The Birth of Maya
I truly don’t even know where to begin with this birth story because there is SO MUCH that happened. There are many lessons that I learned and many aspects of my life that integrated into this one core moment – the birth of my daughter. I guess I’ll start by saying that I love love LOVE hearing other people’s birth stories and watching birth videos - I just can’t get enough. The fact that I’m sitting here now writing my own birth story is really a dream come true. I hope that by sharing it I can serve as inspiration for other Mamas, the same way all the stories I heard inspired me and helped me see that what I wanted was truly possible.
The TLDR version of my birth story is this: It was LONG. I had Braxton-Hicks contractions for the 7 weeks before I gave birth. I had prodromal labor (“false labor”) for 2 days before I went into active labor. Active labor was about 17 hours total. Maya and I worked hard to get her here with lots of stopping and starting amidst it all. But, it resulted in the beautiful birth that I always dreamed of – an unmedicated water birth at a birthing center!
This story starts on December 6th when I started experiencing Braxton-Hicks contractions. These are normal in pregnancy and are considered “warm-up contractions” for the uterus. They feel like tightening and come and go randomly and inconsistently. However, I had them very often, sometimes every 5-10 minutes and at times they would come for hours in a row. Braxton-Hicks contractions are common, but more unusual for first time Moms, especially at the volume I was having them. As the weeks went by, the Braxton-Hicks contractions got tighter and more intense, but they were never painful. Every time they would start and last for a while I kept thinking labor was coming soon. Since I was having them so often I was SURE that my baby was coming early and before her due date. My guess date was January 7th.
My guess date came and went. My due date – January 16th – came and went. Then I started getting anxious because I just couldn’t shake the feeling that she was ready and was just waiting for me, but I didn’t know what she was waiting for.
On Saturday, January 20th I finally thought things were happening because I woke up at 4am feeling more crampy. Things were clearly changing because I hadn’t had any pain at all up until this point. By 7am, everything stopped. The rest of the day I was having these crampy contractions on and off, started losing my mucus plug and had bloody show – all signs of labor coming closer. I was trying to stay out of my head with hoping labor would pick up and spent the day resting, doing the Miles circuit, curb walking and anything else I could think of that could gently help labor progress. I texted my doula friend and she told me that a lot of times labor kicks off in the middle of the night, to go to bed early and get some rest in case things shifted. I was excited thinking things were happening!
I woke up in the middle of the night at 3am with contractions again, slightly more intense than before. I got up and sat on my exercise ball at the edge of my bed, put on my playlist and was swaying and bouncing on the ball and having fun! I was like yes – finally this is it! But then 7am came and things stopped, again. I was getting frustrated, so I called my midwife who assured me that this was “normal” and some labors “take a while to get started.” She told me to do the Miles Circuit again and get some rest. I did as she suggested as contractions came and went throughout the day, but by the end of the day, I REALLY couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. It didn’t feel right to me that things kept starting and stopping and not progressing.
Spinning Babies
I had been doing Spinning Babies exercises my entire pregnancy because baby was hanging out either in the posterior position (aka sunny side up - the position that leads to back labor and/or long labors) or only on my right side, never on my left side. Being a physical therapist and very intuitive I found this weird that she was only sticking these two positions, and according to Spinning Babies the optimal birth position is on the left side. My midwives continued to assure me that her position was fine and that a lot of babies find the optimal position during labor. I have A LOT more to say about this situation of baby positioning and Spinning Babies… but that will be a whole separate story.
On Sunday evening, I went to the Spinning Babies website and came across new information – definitely divine guidance! Up until this point I spent all my research focused on baby’s position in the womb, but this particular evening I found information that talked all about engagement. Engagement is the part of labor when baby gets into the pelvis. This is obviously very important because if baby can’t get IN the pelvis then baby can’t get OUT of the pelvis. My midwives had just told me that I had been “engaged” for 3 weeks, but that probably was not true.
I read through the information on the website and realized that the exact pattern of labor I was having – stop/start, intense discomfort over my pubic bone, no rhythm to contraction duration and frequency and no progress with contractions– was indicative of a baby that was not engaged. The moment I read this I knew this is what was happening. I took one of the recommendations they had which was to wear a compression band on the belly – something I had been wearing my entire pregnancy. I immediately put the band on and from that point on my contractions never stopped again. This was around 8pm on Sunday night and was step one to getting me into real labor.
The Witching Night
What happened next is what I call the “witching night.” I would call it the witching hour, but it lasted the entire night. This night was the worst/most intense part of my entire birth story (which is ridiculous because I wasn’t even in real labor yet!) My husband, Ryan, and I were up the entire night because I started having VERY intense contractions every 5-15 minutes, lasting anywhere from 30-90 seconds and there was absolutely no pattern to them at all. These contractions were more intense than the ones I had at 9cm dilated during my real labor! Except they were incredibly unproductive and not resulting in the longer, stronger, or closer together pattern that I needed as my sign that I was in labor. This was also the only time during the whole birth process I was somewhat screaming and Ryan was telling me to try not to wake up our neighbors lol. The main thought going through my head was “what the actual F is going on?” I knew this was NOT normal.
Monday, January 22nd - Engaging Baby
Finally by morning we got some rest. I called my midwife, told her what I thought was happening with the intense night we had and how I thought the baby was not engaged. She gave me a list of exercises to do – I did the Miles Circuit again and then a number of exercises from the Spinning Babies website. I completed these and within an hour I totally felt a shift! When I went to the bathroom I felt more pressure over my cervix and not my pubic bone. I knew it worked, I got my baby engaged and I KNEW I was finally on the way to having my baby.
At 2pm we went to my 41-week appointment where I had a non-stress test and talked with my midwives. I continued to have contractions every 5-10 minutes or so throughout this appointment and was in early labor at this point. After my first cervical exam of my entire pregnancy (so horrible btw), I was 2cm dilated and 90% effaced - good news!
The baby and I were healthy, but my midwives were very concerned that I hadn’t slept in days. They told me I needed to either sleep tonight or have the baby tonight because if I went on 3 days of no sleep that would most likely result in a hospital transfer and different birth outcome. My midwife recommended I take Benadryl to sleep (or come back for a stronger injection of some sedative, to which I said absolutely not) and I kept questioning her on how this would actually do me any good. She told me it would help me “sleep through the less intense contractions” and I said “they’re all intense” lol.
I continued to labor at home the rest of the day with things slightly picking up. I was hesitant to take this Benadryl because I was certain I was going to be in active labor soon. I called my midwife and after her and Ryan convinced me, I took this Benadryl at 8:30pm (even though I knew for a fact it wouldn’t do a thing). I went to lie down, was able to lie down for 2 contractions somewhat drowsy, but then was right up on my hands and knees getting my hip squeeze from Ryan. So much for the Benadryl!
By 10pm I was feeling like it was time to go to the birth center, but Ryan wasn’t convinced. The midwives told us when it was time to go that I would be unable to talk during contractions or between them and my affect would totally change, so Ryan didn’t think it was time because I was fully myself between contractions. They told us that the ideal time to arrive there is around 6cm dilated. Of course, there is no way to predict how dilated I was. I was handling things very well, but things were picking up
Suddenly I felt a gush of liquid and went to the bathroom thinking it was my water breaking, and to my shock and surprise saw that I was bleeding. I naturally freaked TF out, called the midwife who reassured me it was within “normal,” but that I could come in to get checked if I wanted to. It was time to go!
Arriving at the Birth Center
We got to the birth center at 11:30pm and when they checked me I was 7cm! When I tell you I was SO INCREDIBLY RELIEVED it is such an understatement. I was half expecting them to say I was only 4cm or something. I was doubting myself because I had been going through this for so long, but finally I had the validation I needed and was ready to meet my baby!
We were in our birthing room which included a large bed, bathroom, a bathtub, walk in shower, two big exercise balls, and some other small things to help with labor. We had so much space to move around and be comfortable. Since I had always envisioned a water birth I was so ready to get in the tub. I heard from many people to wait as long as possible to get in the tub since it’s basically the “epidural of unmedicated labor,” but I was so exhausted I needed to get in right away. So I did - and then I immediately got out lol.
I realized I could not handle the intensity of contractions in the tub. It was a normal bathtub so when I was in a hands and knees position, my whole backside was exposed. It didn’t really provide the relief that being fully submerged in water could have (like with one of those massive birth pools you see at homebirths). So the tub didn’t work for me to labor in at this time. It also wasn’t hot enough for me, as someone who likes her showers burning hot and frequently burns her mouth on her food and drinks – the tub was not it for me!
I moved from the tub to the shower where I could have burning hot water running over my back as I stood in a leaned forward position for contractions. While this was more comfortable than the tub, it wasn’t a great place for me to get my ultimate pain relief. My “epidural” was Ryan. I had him hip squeeze for every single contraction up until I was pushing and it helped so so so much. I truly don’t know what I would have done without him! I tried a few minutes in the shower, decided it wouldn’t work and then took my place seated on an exercise ball at the edge of the bed which is where I spent most of the rest of my labor.
Moving Through Contractions
During contractions I was always standing up leaning over the edge of the bed with Ryan giving me a hip squeeze, but between contractions I was either 1) sitting on the ball swaying or circling my hips, 2) sitting on the ball leaning over the edge of the bed snoozing, 3) standing up swaying my hips, dancing, or walking around the room. I was dancing and walking at 10cm dilated! I made multiple comments about how I was having fun through it all :)
So how did I manage all the contractions and strong sensations? I had an amazing playlist complete with afrobeats and ODESZA songs that made me want to move my body. I was nonstop swaying my hips and I swayed them back and forth the ENTIRE time through every single contraction. The movement was absolutely crucial for me to power through those, as was getting up and moving around when I could.
They say birth is 10% physical and 90% mental and I completely agree. I might even say it’s 1% physical and 99% mental because during labor you don’t physically have to do a single thing other than surrender and lean into the sensations and maintain a clear headspace. There’s a reason we don’t have to physically prepare for the labor marathon like we would have to do if we were running an actual marathon – all the beautiful hormones and body processes naturally kick into place to make things happen!
My #1 and basically only mantra/affirmation I used the entire time was “get to the peak” and I had Ryan repeat it to me often. For me, contractions felt like a mountain. I would feel the initial sensation and knew it would climb up to a peak where it was the most intense and would remain there for a breath or two, then once I was past the peak, it was downhill and smooth sailing. The moment one set in I would mentally repeat over and over “get to the peak” and it was exactly what I needed.
Funny enough one of my biggest concerns with labor was that I would be loud lol. I did not want to be like that person you see in the movies screaming uncontrollably, crying, sweating, swearing, etc. There’s nothing wrong with any of that – but I wanted to feel in control of things and like I was working WITH my body not against it. I am happy to say I manifested exactly that and feel like I handled things so well because I was in tune with every sensation. I vocalized A LOT in low, deep frequencies from the beginning of the contraction up to the peak, sometimes getting a little louder or a little more screechy at the peak, and once the peak was over I was completely quiet and focused on smooth breathing through the rest of it.
My midwives did comment a few times on how weird it was that I was fully myself between contractions - eating, drinking, dancing and talking. I really attribute that to 1) being intuitive and in tune with my body, 2) my deep spiritual practices I’ve had for many years that focus on the mind-body connection and 3) two years of focusing on a specific mediation practice that is essentially hypnosis, which I think helped the most. Mental preparation is key for unmedicated birth.
Another Slow Down
I continued to move through labor and at 4am the midwife came in and said “we’ll probably have a baby here before shift change at 8am!” But then when she came back around 6am we realized things had stalled out, again. She did another cervical check and I was hanging out at 9cm and my waters still had not broken. They thought this was the reason why things had slowed down and recommended breaking my water. I wasn’t super keen on this idea because I wanted things to be as low intervention as possible.
So they suggested I try to break it myself by sitting on the toilet and bearing down. The toilet is known as “dilation station” and I didn’t love this idea either because I knew it would be extremelyyyy uncomfortable, but I liked it better than the idea of them breaking it. So I worked through 3 contractions sitting backwards on the toilet and I thought it worked but it turns out I had just peed lol - the things our body goes through! I was so over the whole thing and decided to have them break it so I could move on. Although this wasn’t in my ideal birth vision I was okay with it because I was getting extremely exhausted at this point and we all knew this baby needed to come ASAP.
When I got to the birth center at 11:30pm I was dehydrated. An hour later after drinking electrolytes, fresh juice, water and eating, I was still dehydrated (although it was a slight improvement). My midwife said she could give me IV fluids and I said no when in hindsight I should have absolutely said yes. Birth is a marathon and I was running on E and not even near the final stage.
At this point I was at 9cm, waters broken, and contractions were intensifying – although they were still manageable. I was just a little louder and needed to REALLY focus on the preparation and lean in to the sensations. I managed these intense ones by taking the biggest breath I could when it started and vocalizing as low and slow as possible, while also allowing myself to get screechy and make scrunchy faces when things really got uncomfy. But I started getting to the point where each contraction was taking everything out of me and between them I was literally falling asleep. I started getting nervous thinking “what if I don’t make it?” But I knew there was no going back now. I kept drinking and eating and took a homeopathic remedy which helped give me that second wind.
The Home Stretch
The next thing I remember was my body starting to push on its own – which is exactly what it is supposed to do. YAY I was finally in the home stretch! But of course this stage wasn’t without its own challenges. I was simultaneously feeling intense pressure over my pubic bone with the need to bear down but I could not squat into them or move my body in a downward direction like I needed to do. These were all signs of a cervical lip that my midwife quickly picked up on. Basically I had one small part of my cervix that hadn’t dilated yet and when you have that, it’s hard for baby to get underneath it and out the birth canal.
This was the first and only time I said “I can’t do this” during labor and got scared because I looked around the room at every spot I could and tried to imagine any position I could get in to get this baby out, and couldn’t think of how I was going to get her out. My logical brain was absolutely gone at this point. I am so thankful for my incredible midwife because she suggested I get back in the tub into a specific position to maneuver baby under the pubic bone. So that was how the water birth that I always envisioned manifested – isn’t it so funny how things don’t always come to us how we think they will? Another lesson learned! I got in the water on my back with my feet up resting on the sides of the tub, tailbone tucked under, and arms floating around a pool noodle.
Some call it “labor land.” Some call it “theta brain waves.” Some call it “going to the Spirit world to get your baby.” Whatever it is – I had definitely crossed into it. I remember being in the tub, so incredibly relaxed, floating in the water, focusing solely on my breath. When the contractions would come it felt like pressure that I was able to meet and completely work with. This was truly the most relaxing part of my labor, which is crazy – but I was relaxing, quiet, breathing, and meditating in the water. During pushes I used my breath to breathe my baby down, giving a little extra push at the peak. At one point during pushing I said “this feels good.” Never thought I would say that! It was absolutely nothing like you see in the movies and I felt so much surrender to my body and this process
When my baby started getting close I reached down to feel her head moving through. I had my hand on her head when she was crowning which was one of the coolest feelings ever. The “ring of fire” felt nothing like I thought it would and I barely even noticed it. I wanted to catch her myself, but I had to take my hand away once her head came out to give that final burst of effort to birth the rest of her body. She came out swiftly and the midwife handed her to me! She was eyes wide open and let out a large cry around 45 seconds. Welcome to the world, Maya!
I was in the tub for about 25 minutes before she was born and in total I pushed just under an hour. She was born to the song “One Day They’ll Know” – the ODESZA remix – which is my favorite song to move to and the song I manifested her being born to! A little wink from the Universe that everything was divinely timed and orchestrated, even if some of the events leading up to birth and following birth were not what I had envisioned.
We spent a few moments in the tub where I birthed the placenta, which basically came out all on its own. My midwives managed some heavy bleeding and then Ryan, Maya and I went to the bed to enjoy our uninterrupted golden hour. She never left my chest while they did her newborn exam and we got to soak up this very important hour together.
I am extremely happy to have had the birth experience of my dreams. It went as according to plan as possible, complete with the ultimate tests of patience and endurance. I would love to say this is where my birth story ends, but the 24 hours after she was born is a whole different story as things took an unexpected turn! More of that in part 2 :)